As an example, take the following exercise, which is from “The Mindful Way Workbook: An 8-Week Program to Free Yourself from Depression and Emotional Distress” by Teasdale, Williams, and Segal (2014).
Take a few moments to imagine this scene as clearly as you can:
You are feeling down because you’ve just had a quarrel with a colleague at work. Shortly afterward, you see another colleague in the hall and she rushes off quickly, saying she can’t stop.
What thoughts would go through your mind?
Now imagine this scene:
You are feeling happy because you and a work colleague have just been praised for good work. Shortly afterward, you see another colleague in the hall and she rushes off quickly, saying she can’t stop.
What thoughts would go through your mind?
Now compare the latter scenario to the former: is there anything that strikes you about the difference in your thoughts in the two situations?
This example shows two instances of exactly the same objective situation— the colleague saying she couldn’t stop— but two very different interpretations. Did you feel upset, offended, or angry in the first scenario? Did you feel unbothered in the second? The frame of mind we bring to our experiences determines the outcome of those experiences. Teasdale, Williams, and Segal (2014) explain that “our interpretations of events reflect what we bring to them as much as, or more than, what is actually there. Thoughts are not facts (even the ones that say they are!).”
Our internal dialogue is very real to us, but for our own mental health, we need to remember that our thoughts are not accurate sometimes! The next time you feel upset, try to examine the objective situation and take in as much information as you can from other sources. Did your frame of mind taint your experience? Teasdale, Williams, and Segal (2014) write that “the crucial thing is to learn a new relationship to thoughts— to relate to them as thoughts, mental events that arise and pass away in the mind— rather than as the truth of ‘how it really is.’ That way, you can release the mind and body from the grip of the thought-feeling loops that keep you trapped in emotional pain.”
Stay happy, Chaps!
—Kirsten Dalquist, MSSW Intern