A number of recent studies have found that expressing gratitude, thankfulness, and appreciation can lead to increased positive feelings and overall well-being. Study participants were asked to participate in activities such as journaling about what one is grateful for (or counting one’s blessings) or writing a letter to someone that has had a positive influence on their life. The studies found that expressing gratitude has been linked with improved life satisfaction, increased optimism, increased happiness, and better sleep quality and duration. Expressing gratitude is also associated with increased empathy, reduced aggression, reduced stress, improved physical health, and improved relationships with others. Research shows that in relationships, people who express more gratitude towards their partners experience more positive feelings towards them and are more comfortable discussing challenges when they arise. A study that looked at managers and employees, found that saying “thank you” can lead to increased motivation and productivity.

How does this all work? One study suggests that regularly expressing gratitude improves mental health outcomes because it shifts our mindset away from ruminating, negative thoughts and emotions. Interestingly, these positive effects occur even when the letters of gratitude are never shared with others. Three months later, participants had their brain activity measured by an fMRI scanner, and gratitude letter writers were found to have increased activity in the prefrontal cortex, an area of the brain responsible for learning and decision making. This study suggests that expressing gratitude might have long-term positive effects on the brain.
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Harvard Medical School recommends trying some of the following activities to experience the positive effects of expressing gratitude:

• Write a thank-you note, expressing appreciation to someone important in your life.
• Thank someone mentally. You don’t have to tell them, but it wouldn’t hurt.
• Count your blessings by keeping a gratitude journal.

By: Jim Rowell
Social Work Intern

Sources:

• How Gratitude Changes You and Your Brain (greatergood.berkeley.edu)
• In Praise of Gratitude (health.harvard.edu)
• Gratitude and Well Being (ncbi.nlm.nih.gov)
• 7 Scientifically Proven Benefits Of Gratitude That Will Motivate You To Give Thanks Year-Round (forbes.com)

Just as the seasons of the year change from fall to winter to spring and finally to summer as we journey through life, we experience the seasons of life: wellness, illness, and finally death. The seasons of life will be different for every person, unique to each of us. ​

Change doesn't even have to be a death loss or illness but can also just be a change of job, moving, divorce, etc. These are all unexpectedly hard events. I'd like to share a video from our Speaker Series last year where we discussed the way to support our friends and community during hard times. 
Living Losses: Coping When Life Changes Unexpectedly!

In addition to that, I just wanted to share some commonly agreed upon words of comfort versus some common words shared that may not help as much as we intend.

DO SAY

• "Thanks for opening up to me."
• "Is there anything I can do to help?"
• "How can I help?"
• "Thanks for sharing."
• "I'm sorry to hear that. It must be tough."
• "I'm here for you when you need me."
• "I don't know what to say but I'm going to be here for you."
• "Oh man, that sucks."
• "How are you feeling today?"
• "I love you."
• “Anything you want to talk about, I’m here to listen.”
• “Would you like have dinner together?”

Remember that people who are grieving are adjusting to their new normal.  They need to establish new routines. It usually takes at least a couple of years to build a new routine.

DON'T SAY

• “Be strong.”
• “Don’t cry. Your loved one wouldn’t want you to be sad.”
• “Time heals all wounds.”
• “It happened for the best.”
• “Your loved one is no longer in pain.”
• "It could be worse."
• "Just deal with it."
• "Snap out of it."
• "Everyone feels that way sometimes."
• "You may have brought this on yourself."
• "We've all been there."
• "You've got to pull yourself together."
• “I know how you feel.”
• “These things happen”
• “Why are you acting weird?” ​

While we are probably saying these things from a place of love they can often come across as invalidating of the person's experience. Most often someone just wants to know they are not alone with their pain and that someone can sit with them in the hard times without trying to "fix them" or shutting down conversations with platitudes. 

And remember, when you can't find the words, a hug, comforting hand on the back can speak volumes. Let's continue to take care of each other, Eanes. 

Stay Healthy, Chaps!
-Kristi Waidhofer