Happy International Women’s Day (March 8), Chaps! We hope you get the chance to check out Westlake Theatre’s production of The Women of Lockerbie this Friday at 7pm!

This blog post is for all the ladies. In the spirit of celebrating women, let’s take a moment to point out that even though our culture often uses its standards of physical beauty to measure the success or importance of women, women are so much more than how they physically appear to others. Instead of measuring your worth by how you look, which is largely out of your control, we suggest that you make an effort to be proud of yourself today for the things you do have control over, including:

• Being great at whatever it is you do
• Successfully raising wonderful teenagers
• Being a great mother/wife/partner/daughter/friend/woman in general
• Maintaining your job if you are employed
• Engaging in any hobbies you have
• “Small” things, like cooking a delicious meal or maintaining your exercise regimen

Women are changing the world in important ways. Women may be beautiful, but they are also intelligent, strong, compassionate, and powerful! Here are a few reasons to love and appreciate women:

• Women are innovative! Did you know that computer software was invented by a woman (Grace Hopper, 1950s)? Or that a woman invented caller ID (Dr Shirley Ann Jackson, 1970s)? The dishwasher, windshield wipers, and Kevlar (the material used in bulletproof vests and body armor) were also all invented by women.
• Women are brave. If it weren’t for brave and strong women like Susan B. Anthony, who was willing to fight against oppression beginning in the 1860s, women’s rights would still be severely limited today. One hundred years ago, women did not have the right to vote-- and thanks to the courageous voices of women, women enjoy many more freedoms today than were thought possible a century ago.
• ​Women generally have a natural, powerful sense of empathy. Perhaps it is because they are bearers of new life, or maybe it is because they are socialized to express their feelings and offer support to others. Either way, women are known for their compassion and empathy. Think of Harriet Tubman, who risked her life leading her fellow enslaved people to freedom using the Underground Railroad in the mid-1800s.
• ​Women make life better! Think of Ellen Degeneres, who constantly makes us laugh with her sharp wit and who has made important strides toward LGBTQ acceptance and equality in our culture.
• ​Women shaped you into the person you are today. Think of your mother, or your mother figure, whose nurturing and support fostered your growth. 

Those are only five measly reasons why women rule. Here’s the thing, though: often, women do not believe that they are great. The United States has a history of discrimination against women, and that legacy lives on today even though women have gained many freedoms. Women are sometimes very hard on themselves, and may believe harmful things about themselves or other women that are untrue and discriminatory. This phenomenon is called internalized oppression. Psychology Today describes internalized oppression as “when we accept or “buy-in to” the negative and inferiorizing messages that are propagated about who we are,” which means that we “have begun to internalize the oppression that we experienced.” Even if a particular woman has never personally been the victim of oppression, the United States culture nevertheless teaches (wrongly, of course) that women are inferior by paying them less than men, taking them less seriously (i.e. there are some studies that show that doctors take women’s pain less seriously than men’s) and holding much more importance on their physical looks than men are subjected to. These cultural messages can be culprits of internalized oppression.

Furthermore, sometimes, we “learn that having certain traits, being a member of a particular group, and being who we are, are not good enough or are not desirable. Sometimes, we even learn to hate our traits, our groups, [or] ourselves.” You may see this internalized oppression in some of your female friends, who, for example, may believe that they are not cut out to be as successful as their male colleagues. Or, you may hear a woman prefacing her contributions to discussions with “This may be a stupid question, but--” or “I could be wrong, but--.” Such admissions of self-doubt are not always, but can be, manifestations of hundreds of years of oppression against women that taught that women are not as intelligent as men.

Another facet of internalized oppression is biased views or beliefs toward others in your category. Bustle has a good example of this: “When we consider ourselves a rare exception to our gender for being easygoing or strong or more focused on inner qualities than appearance, we insult all women and therefore ourselves. As long as we view ourselves or a select few women as the exception, we will not change the rule.”

Obviously, internalized oppression is damaging to women’s mental health. Believing negative messages about women can cause depression, anxiety, self-doubt, and even self-hatred. Eating disorders, self-harm, and even suicide could result. To prevent these awful potentials, here is a list of simple tasks we could all engage in:

• Be supportive of the women in your life. Listen to them, validate their emotions, and be a good friend. If your friend/mother/sister is unnecessarily self-critical, point this out to her and remind her that she is wonderful!
• ​Allow yourself to be supported. Open your heart to the women in your life, whose empathy, compassion, and friendship will be a shining light in your life.
• Question your views and beliefs. Critical appraisal might reveal that your insecurities largely stem from the cultural messages you’ve been receiving. Your beliefs about yourself and other women might not reflect the truth, but instead a learned stereotype.
• Model confidence for your daughters. Unfortunately, well-meaning but self-critical mothers can accidentally teach their children to be self-critical. Often, mothers don’t realize that the reasons they are self-critical have to do with internalized oppression: for example, a mother might believe that women are supposed to be super skinny (in order to take up as little space as possible), and might accidentally model disordered eating for her children.

Instead of putting ourselves down, let's work on empowering ourselves and each other to fulfill our highest potentials!

To clarify the purposes of this blog post: We were all born into this society and this culture, and the way things are are the fault of no one living today. Hopefully no one has felt “blamed” while reading this post. There are many wonderful men alive today who gladly fight against oppression of women, and we are irrevocably thankful for you.

Note: internalized oppression applies not only to women, but to all historically oppressed and marginalized groups, including the LGBTQ community, racial minorities, religious minorities, etc. Read more about it here and here.

If you are a woman, please take some time to appreciate, love, and care for yourself today. If you are not a woman, make sure to give the women in your life the support, encouragement, and appreciation that they deserve!

Hungry for more female empowerment? Check out these resources:

• A Mighty Girl
• Smart Girls
• Brene Brown
• Rachel Hollis
• Locally: Barb Steinberg & GENAustin 
• Nike's powerful new ad

Stay healthy, Chaps!
--Kirsten Dalquist, MSSW Intern

This week's blog post comes to you from Mindful.org. 

"Over the past few weeks of our Self-Care Series, we’ve defined self-care, examined the reasons why it’s so hard to consistently engage in self-care practices, and made a case for why self-care does not need to be an individual pursuit. We’ve agreed to begin looking at self-care as a long-term pursuit, one in which taking care of our inner and outer selves are equal parts of the equation. We’ve also learned how to develop coping strategies that can help us and others in our community weather the struggles of self-care with grace and steadiness.
The unsung common thread running through each topic we’ve covered over the past 6 weeks is that everyone needs their own Self-Care Plan, otherwise known as a Coping Strategy.  

Three Reasons You Need a Self-Care Plan
A Self-Care Plan is an intervention tool that keeps you from being completely sucked into the vortex, saving you when you find yourself standing on the precipice gazing into the dark abyss. It’s a fail-safe, reated by you, and filled with your favorite self-care activities, important reminders, and ways to activate your self-care community.  

1) Customizing a Self-Care Plan is a preventative measure. By designing a roadmap that is unique to you, in moments when you’re NOT in crisis, you’re directing your best self to reflect on what you may need (and have access to) in your worst moments. The reality is that only YOU know how intense your stress levels can get and what resources are available to you. Write that sh*t down.

2) Having a plan takes the guesswork out of what to do and where to turn in moments of crisis. From a mindfulness point of view, it helps you respond instead of react to the situation at hand. When you have a plan in place, you’ll feel more in control of your circumstances and life won’t feel quite as chaotic. (It also makes it easier to ask for help from those you share your plan with.

3) A Self-Care Plan helps you stay the course. You’ll find it far easier to stick to your personal care strategy and avoid falling into the trap of making excuses. Having a plan helps you establish a routine, ensuring that you and your self-care partners don’t wind up in isolation, but rather check in with each other, hold each other accountable, and share the responsibility to support one another. 

How to Create A Self-Care Plan
Your Self-Care Plan is a road map that you can carry in your back pocket. It’s there to help you walk your talk as well as help you find your way back to equilibrium by providing a clearly defined route back home if you find yourself on off-track. 

Creating and following a plan helps you balance your mental, physical, and emotional needs while reminding you of the important people in your support system and the self-care goals you wish to accomplish. 
How do you begin creating a Self-Care Plan? 

1) First, create an activity list organized around different parts of your life: I’ve found that the easiest way to start is by breaking up this daunting task into several categories, for example:

• Work
• Physical Fitness
• Emotional Life
• Relationships & Community

For each area above, write down the activities or strategies that you can call on, that are authentic to you and contribute to your wellbeing.

Some examples we’ve discussed over the past weeks include spending time with friends, eating healthy, being active, mindfulness meditation, and finding the confidence to create healthy boundaries (here’s a template). Have fun, be creative, and most impprtatnly, be real with yourself about what works for you and what doesn’t.

2) Second, note any barriers that may be in your way and how to shift them. As you write down each activity, ask yourself what barriers might get in the way of you being able to accomplish it. Then, try to strategize ways that you might be able to shift these barriers (FYI, this works even better when you do so with a friend, partnerm or community!).  If you find that you can’t shift the barriers, feel free to adjust the activities. Your Self-Care Plan is NOT written in stone! It’s meant to be a living, breathing guide that adapts as your life circumstances and demands change.

3) Third, share your plan with your closest friends. Don’t forget to rely on your network of self-care buddies, your community of care. Share a copy of your Self-Care Plan with them and ask them to hold you accountable. Encourage them to create their own Plan and share it with you so you can do the same for them.

Example Self Care Plan
Category: Emotional Life

Activities
1) Develop friendships that are supportive
2) Write down three good things that you do each day
3) Do something that brings you joy (Go to the movies, sit in a café, hit the beach, or set off a hike)  
4) Regularly meet with your social group/community of care

Barriers
1. Your friendships are not equal in “give and take.” Shift it: define expectations with your closest friends. Don’t assume your friends know what you need from them.
2. You’re in the habit of negative self-talk. Shift it: every time you catch yourself saying something negative to yourself say the exact opposite to yourself.
3. Don’t have a babysitter or the ability to get away for the evening. Shift it: Activate your self-care community
4) My friends or self-care network don’t have time to meet. Shift it: Set up a meet-up in advance and regularly. Create a monthly calendar.

Make it Visual
I always suggest that, if possible, you make your Self-Care Plan visual. Think of it as your very own personal self-care infographic:
 
Try this:
1) Start by jotting down a list of keywords or phrases from the activities list you created—choose whichever words resonate with you the most. 
2) Then, grab a white piece of paper or a posterboard and transform these into graphic elements. Go ahead and use different colors, drawings, photos, whatever works for you to create visual cues that resonate with you and your plan.

Once you complete your masterpiece, put it somewhere you’re sure to see it every day because doing so will help you think about and (re)commit to your strategies.  A byproduct of keeping it visible is that others will see it, too, and this will encourage them to ask about it, reflect on it, support your efforts, and, just maybe, even get them thinking about creating their own self-care vision. (By the way, I love to see these, so if you create one, please share it in our self-care group!)

Sticking to Your Self-Care Plan
Just like an athlete who trains for a competitive event, Self-Care Plans require that you practice the activities regularly. Be realistic with yourself by remembering that it takes time for a new practice to become a routine. There will be moments when you falter and that’s okay. We’re all human. Don’t punish yourself, but instead refocus and recommit to your plan. This way, if you find yourself on the edge of that void, staring it down, you’ll be prepared. How do you get yourself back on track when you falter? The answer to that question will be different for everyone, and will depend on what’s in your self-care plan. Here’s what works for me:

When I realize I’m beyond the edge in a black hole this is LITERALLY what I do: I have an old fashioned egg timer (you can use your phone timer, too) and I set a timer and allow myself 30 minutes (whatever time works for you) to feel really sorry for myself and mad at myself and beat myself up if I need to. Sometimes I even write it all down. It’s ugly. Usually, by 15 minutes in I’ve exhausted myself. And then I MAKE myself do something that makes me happy even if I’m not in the mood. Last week it was playing Al Green’s “Love and Happiness” in the kitchen super loud and dancing. Sometimes it’s pulling my husband in to swing dance to the Stray Cats with me.

When you just allow yourself to be in the vortex and really lean into it you are usually ready to finally extract yourself. And by having a plan in place for those moments when all seems lost, you can more easily find your way back to center.
As Louis Pasteur once observed, “Chance favors the prepared mind.”"

Stay Healthy, Chaps!
​-Kristi Waidhofer