Discovering ways to adapt to what life throws at you makes you more able to cope. This skill will suite you in so many areas of life: teacher making last minute changes to an assignment, friend group plans a trip but leaves you out, you don't make the team, boss tells you to redo your whole project. Adapting to what life throws you is probably one of the most important skills to not only learn but continue to fine tune!

Here a few key tips to cultivate this skill. Remember that being resilient is a mind set (a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset).

• Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable. You can't change the fact that very stressful events happen, but you can learn to change your response to them. 
• Cultivate positive relationships that can support you through the up's and the down's 
• Learn how to make plans and take action to solve problems 
• Practice mindfulness which assists in the ability to manage difficult emotions
• Learn effective communication skills to be able to convey your needs and emotions

Here are five ways to build resilience:

• Nurture relationships.
• Find meaning in difficulties.
• Be optimistic.
• Be decisive.
• Accept that change is part of living.

Here are 5 More Ways to Build Resilience

Wouldn't it be so wonderful if our children could actually eloquently and rationally explain to us the best way to raise them? A beautiful dream to be sure! Unfortunately that's just not the way it works but fortunately there are many researchers out there (much research just by trial and error) that has helped us learn influential ways to communicate with our children and raise them to be healthy, resilient, and well-balanced adults!

One of the articles, by the lovely name of, 7 Things We Do That Make Our Kids Brats, actually has some wonderful suggestions.

Here are just a few...

No more negotiating.
You know the story. "Give me one more chance," they beg. Maybe they want to go over to a friend's house when they're grounded. Or maybe you said you wouldn't let them play with their Xbox until their chores were done, and here they are, still not done. Regardless of the situation, we make bargains with our kids, giving them more chances than we should. Mom and dad's word should be final. Remember, you're running a household, not a bazaar.

No more menus at meal time.
Unless your kid is paying the price for a five star meal, they don't deserve the five star treatment. In recent times, picky eaters abound, and parents constantly make room for them. Not only does catering to your little one's every whim create more work for you, but it teaches your kid that he or she doesn't have to eat what's put in front of them. They're special. They deserve to have exactly what they want at every meal, right? If your kid is a picky eater, it's completely your fault. Make it clear that whatever is put down in front of them is what they get, and stop worrying about them going hungry. They won't.

No more forgetting your own needs.
Part of being a responsible parent is obviously supporting your kid's activities and hobbies. But that doesn't mean that you have to attend every recital. When you never miss a game or concert, you might be showing them that you're dedicated and loving, but you're also showing them that you don't have your own needs and wishes. As much as it might seem like they are, our kids aren't the center of the universe, and it's good for them to learn that. So next time you have an offer to a girls night out, take it. Missing one game won't hurt.

Be sure to read the article to learn the other 4 rules and their importance! 
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I also loved this article, 9 Things Your Kids Need But Won't Tell You! Here are a couple of their excellent points...

Your Marriage To Take Priority Over Them
Children demand time and resources. You should serve them and provide for them. You should invest in their present and future.

And one of the best ways to invest in your children is to invest in your marriage.
If your children take priority over your marriage, you will lose your children and your marriage. Your children will become idols, never living up to your expectations, and you will always expect more from them than they can give.

In the Powell house, we aren’t perfect, but Tiffani and I let our boys know mommy and daddy’s relationship is important. I tell them mommy is important to me. When Tiffani and I talk, they can’t interrupt. We’re are affectionate in front of our children. I want them to see Tiffani and I prioritizing our marriage.

A Life Without Constant Connection To Technology 
Whether your children are newborns, toddlers, or teenagers, it’s your job to disconnect them from technology. When your default response to boredom or public tantrums is technology, you build a craving in them for entertainment. You’re teaching them that life is a never-ending Disneyland experience. And you’re the tour guide. It’s not your job to entertain your children every waking moment. And it’s not your job to protect them from boredom.

I’m not against technology. But you need boundaries. Establish times when technology isn’t allowed, starting with the dinner table. Allow your children to feel boredom and work through it. It’s fun to visit Disneyland every few years. It’s exhausting when you try to bring Disneyland to your living room.

Encourage Them more Than You Correct Them
Certain days, my vocabulary shrinks down to two words: no and stop. It’s so easy to highlight the negative. When your children mess up, it’s obvious. But what about the things they do right? Are you highlighting those?As a parent, your yeses should outweigh your nos.
How often do you say, “I’m proud of you,” “I love you,” or “I’m thankful for you”? You have no idea of the power in affirmation. As a teenager, I longed for this, especially from my dad. I wanted to hear “I love you” from him so bad.
I knew he loved me, but I rarely heard it. And this left a seed of doubt in my mind.
Every day, your children make good choices. If you don’t verbalize them, it’s not just unfortunate. It’s bad stewardship. James 3 says words are like a destructive fire. Well, the opposite is also true. Words build up. Affirmative words that go unspoken are equivalent to extravagant gifts that go unopened.
Are you affirming your children? Do you build up more than you tear down?

Again, be sure to finish this article to learn all the other beautiful advice our children just can't tell us on their own! 

Stay Healthy, Chaps!
-Kristi Waidhofer