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Helping Teens Make Healthy Decisions

2/27/2017

 
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Throughout high school, students are confronted with many tough scenarios where choosing to make safe and healthy decisions may not be the easiest thing to do.

With Spring Break around the corner, many students are faced with decisions regarding drinking, drug use, and partying.

With that in mind, how can we facilitate healthy decision-making in our students?

Palo Alto Medical Foundation (PAMF) explains that “being present to protect your teen from situations that could potentially hurt him or her will always be an intense urge that often cannot be realistically fulfilled.”

 As our children grow older, parenting becomes less about control and more about offering guidance. PAMF offers some tips on becoming a guiding force for your teens:


  • Allow them to describe the problem or situation in their own words. Use open-ended questions that start with “how,” “why,” or “what.” Try to put yourself in their shoes to understand their thoughts and really listen to what they’re saying.

  • Talk with them about choices. Help your teen to see alternatives that may be smarter or more responsible – sometimes they don’t believe they have other options. Be sure to define what constitutes a safe, smart choice.

  • Help them identify and compare possible consequences of their choices. Explain (without lecturing!) the consequences that different choices can have and how those can impact their goals.

  • Allow them to make a decision and carry it out. Remember, they may make a choice that differs from what you prefer.

  • Ask them how it worked out. Allow them to live and learn from mistakes if they’re made.

  • Most importantly, praise them when they make a good choice!

“To feel comfortable talking openly with you, your teen needs to know that you will not punish him or her for being honest.”

For more information from PAMF about helping teens to make responsible choices, click here.

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An article published by San Marcos Academy shared a story about how President Ronald Reagan learned the need for decision making early in his life:

“A kindly aunt had taken him to a cobbler to have a pair of shoes custom-made for him. The shoemaker asked, ‘Do you want a round toe or a square toe?’ Young Ronald hemmed and hawed, so the cobbler said, ‘Come back in a day or two and tell me what you want.’
A few days later the cobbler saw young Reagan and asked what he had decided about the shoes. ‘I haven’t made up my mind,’ he answered. ‘Very well, your shoes will be ready tomorrow,’ said the cobbler.
When Reagan got the shoes, one had a round toe and the other a square toe. Reagan said, ‘Looking at those shoes every day taught me a lesson. If you don’t make your own decisions, somebody else makes them for you.’”

Make good decisions, Chaps!

-Alaina

Everybody KNows SomeBody

2/23/2017

 
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February 26th through March 4th is National Eating Disorder Awareness Month. 

"Eating disorders, such as bulimia, binge eating disorder, and anorexia, are serious illnesses that involve extreme emotions, attitudes, and behaviors surrounding food, exercise, and body image. Contrary to common stereotypes, eating disorders affect all kinds of people, regardless of gender, ethnicity, age, socioeconomic status, sexuality, or background. In fact, 30 million Americans will struggle with an eating disorder at some point in their lives.

But despite the staggering number of people affected and the reality that they have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, eating disorders often live in the shadows and most people don’t get the help they deserve."

This week's Speaker Series was from Dr. Allison Chase discussing "Body Talk: Dispelling the Myths About "Healthy" Body Image and Eating!" be sure to check out the presentation here! 

We've brought in guest blogger, Ani Mirasol, to talk more about this important issue.


When I was in high school, I watched in terror as my best friend disappeared right in front of my eyes. She went from being this happy, outgoing, bright cheerleader to a weak, tired, and pale shell of the girl I had grown up with. She was “too busy” to eat, or sleep, or hang out, or come to think of it, do much of anything. I didn’t know at the time, but my friend was fighting an invisible monster who was determined to end her life. But no one could see it. Luckily, my friend was able to receive treatment and recovered from her eating disorder. Here’s what you need to know about eating disorders.
 
What is an eating disorder?
Eating disorders are complex, serious mental illnesses with profound psychological, medical, and potentially life threatening complications. People can and do die from complications related to their eating disorder; in fact, eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all psychiatric illnesses, as well as an increase risk of death by suicide. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders eating disorders include anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder, and category of other specified feeding or eating disorders.
 
Who develops an eating disorder?
Eating disorders do not discriminate; they affect people of all ages, races, socioeconomic status, regardless of background, ability, or beliefs. People with eating disorders have varied body shapes and sizes; there is no one body type of someone with an eating disorder.
 
Many eating disorder behaviors overlap and share issues related to low self-esteem, intense anxiety, guilt and shame, preoccupation with food, as well as an inability to understand or believe the severity of the illness. People with eating disorders often struggle with other mental illnesses, including depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, and post traumatic stress disorder.
 
Signs and symptoms of eating disorders
Eating disorders often go undetected, even by parents, teachers, and medical professionals. Most people will keep their eating disorder a secret. That’s the thing with eating disorders. They do NOT want to be known. People who struggle with eating disorders will go to great lengths to keep their behavior secret. When confronted, many people will become defensive, minimize, excuse, or lie about their behavior.
 
So then, what should you know to look for? Here are some things to be aware of: 


  • Self esteem overly related to body image
  • Consistent excuses to avoid mealtimes or situations involving food
  • Withdrawal from usual friends and activities
  • Dramatic change in weight or body shape/size
  • Frequent episodes of consuming very large amounts of food
  • Frequent trips to the bathroom after eating
  • Eating when not hungry, eating to/past point of discomfort, or eating alone
  • Intense fear or weight gain or loss
  • Obsessive preoccupation with weight, food, health, and/or exercise
  • Excessive, rigid exercise regimen strictly adhered to regardless of weather, illness, or injury
  • Secretive or ritualistic food behavior, eating secretly, stealing or hoarding food
  • Evidence of purging behaviors, such as smell of vomit, use of diet pills, diuretics, or laxatives
 
What can you do?
If you are concerned about the behavior of a loved one, set aside a time to talk with them privately about your concerns. Let them know you care for them and are worried about their health and wellness; avoid blaming, shaming or using ultimatums. You may include examples of behavior that are worrisome. Encourage your loved one to talk with a medical and/or mental health professional who is familiar and trained in the treatment of eating disorders, including a doctor, counselor, or registered dietician. You could offer to help them locate these professionals and accompany them to their first appointments. Remember, many folks will initially deny or minimize their behavior. Continue to offer love and support, expressing that you want them to be healthy. To learn more about eating disorders, treatment options, and ways to get involved, visit:
National Eating Disorder Association

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Ani Mirasol is a Licensed Masters Social Worker specializing in the treatment of high achieving women and girls, stressed moms, and sensitive souls. She holds a Masters of Science in Social Work from The University of Texas at Austin. Ms. Mirasol has worked in inpatient and intensive outpatient hospital programs, middle and high schools, camps, and currently is a private practice therapist with Austin Family Counseling. To learn more about her, visit 
​
www.austinfamilycounseling.com/ani-mirasol

Stay Healthy, Chaps!
-Kristi Waidhofer

How Can Parents Get Involved For Teen Dating Violence Awareness month?

2/16/2017

 
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In the spirit of Valentine's Day, countless advocates join together each year during the month of February to raise awareness for dating violence and to encourage communities to get involved.

We're getting involved with t
his Thursday's student workshop, Real Relationships, which features guest speaker, Nityda Coleman from Teen Therapy Austin, who will inform students about what healthy relationships look like - with friends, family, and romantic partners.

This article by
 Futures Without Violence is also a great starting point for information about the causes and consequences of dating violence.

The Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness offers a multitude of resources for parents and professionals to learn more about causes, consequences, and prevention.

As parents, here are some things they suggest to keep in mind if you suspect your teen has been a victim of dating violence:
  • Use "I" statements when describing your feelings. Let them know how concerned you are about their safety and wellbeing.
  • Be sure to have specific examples to share with them about your concerns.
  • Listen and believe them. Speak with sensitivity, support, and care.
  • Be a comfort zone for them.
  • Be a role model for supportive, healthy relationships with your own partner.
  • Let your teen have some control in making decisions - their self-esteem and confidence may have been affected by their partner.
  • Don't ask blaming questions like, "Why don't you break up with your partner?" or "What did you say to provoke your partner?"
  • Don't talk to both teens together. The victim may feel inhibited about what they can say.
  • Remember, if  your teen does open up to you, it is possible that you will hear uncomfortable details. It's important to be nonjudgmental by focusing on resolving the problematic behavior of the partner rather than criticizing your teen.

They also offered some insight for parents who think their teen is an abuser:
  • Recognize and confront the abusive behavior - be sure to back this up with specific examples.
  • Let them know what is not acceptable.
  • "While being supportive of your teen as a person and their efforts to overcome the abusive behavior, you may have to make the difficult decision to report your teen's violence to law enforcement. Teens are more likely to make change, so attending a batterer's intervention program might be effective. It is in your teen's best interest to learn accountability because it will allow them to make better choices in the future."

Having these conversations can be challenging but it's the first step we can take towards both healing and prevention.

I encourage us all to commit to being role models for our teens to show them what healthy, loving relationships look like!

Spread the love, Chaps!

-Alaina

Communicating With Our Kids!

2/6/2017

 
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There are so many aspects to communicating and purposes behind why we even begin communicating! First of all, it is important to understand the reason we are communicating because the purpose informs the best way TO do it. 
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For example, reason number one - to change behavior. Did you actually know there's a right and wrong time to have this conversation? In Recognizing when It's Not a Teachable Moment we learn that our children's brains completely dictate if they are going to be able to hear that reprimand, take it to heart, and exhibit behavior change! So essentially we can be giving an excellent lesson about right and wrong and there's a slim to nothing chance our children will walk away with a behavior change if it's the wrong TIME to be having the conversation! Be sure to read the article to learn exactly the right time to be having an important conversation to change behavior! 

​Barb Steinberg featured an excellent piece about communicating with your teen and while it's focused towards girls these tips apply to communication across the board! Barb writes: 

​"Ever find it difficult to communicate with a tween or teen? Well, you are not alone. Here are a few of my favorite communication tips:
  • Keep It Short: Try for 10 words or less or better yet, how about just, one? Instead of going off about how she is too messy and you are sick of reminding her to pick up her stuff and clean up her room, etc. Just say, “Grace, backpack, please.” Save your energy. Warning: you may have to say “backpack” four times. :)
  • Instead of Telling, Ask: Wrong way: You need to be home more. You can’t go to Ella’s house. Better way: We miss you. We’d love for you to bring Ella here and hang out. What can we do to make our house a place you want to bring your friends?
  • Let her be the expert: Let’s say you feel disconnected from her. Say: I’ve never been a parent to a 15 year-old girl before. I need your advice. What can we do to fight less and get along more?
  • When’s she upset: Ask: What do you need from me right now? How can I support you? Ideas: does she want to be left alone, to be listened to (no advice), a hug, a foot rub,  a bubble bath, a cup of hot tea, etc.
  • Say something nice: Many teens think their parents think negatively about them (even if you don’t). Point it out when you see her doing something you want more of… if you catch her smiling, laughing at a joke, putting her dishes away, studying for her test, helping her sibling or agreeing with you. What we put our attention on, grows!"

Did you also know that the level of empathy you bring into a conversation determines how successful the conversation will be and also overall success in general? And as there are different purposes for communicating there are different levels of empathy: 

1. The type of empathy where we directly feel what others feel.
2. The type of empathy where you imagine yourself in others' shoes.
3. The type of empathy where you imagine the world, or a situation, from someone else's point of view rather than your own.
4. The type of empathy that researchers sometimes call "mind reading." It involves being good at reading others' emotions and body language.

See how the level of empathy plays out in this comic about the ways we communicate to someone about anxiety! 
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Important tidbits to keep in mind as we are constantly communicating with our children (and the world around us). 

Healthy Communicating, Chaps!
​-Kristi Waidhofer

FEBRUARY IS NATIONAL TEEN DATING VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH!

2/1/2017

 
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February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness (NTDVA) Month and Westlake is doing their part to make sure our students have a good understanding of what a healthy relationship looks like! This year marks the 10 year anniversary of the organization Love Is Respect and as such they are honoring their roots of helping individuals think about what RESPECT in a relationship looks like. 

Love Is Respect has done a wonderful job outlining what a healthy relationship looks like
 here! 

"Communication is a key part to building a healthy relationship. The first step is making sure you both want and expect the same things—being on the same page is very important. The following tips can help you and your partner create and maintain a healthy relationship:
  • Speak Up. In a healthy relationship, if something is bothering you, it’s best to talk about it instead of holding it in.
  • Respect Each Other. Your partner’s wishes and feelings have value, and so do yours. Let your significant other know you are making an effort to keep their ideas in mind. Mutual respect is essential in maintaining healthy relationships.
  • Compromise. Disagreements are a natural part of healthy relationships, but it’s important that you find a way to compromise if you disagree on something. Try to solve conflicts in a fair and rational way.
  • Be Supportive. Offer reassurance and encouragement to each other. Also, let your partner know when you need their support. Healthy relationships are about building each other up, not putting each other down.
  • Respect Each Other’s Privacy. Just because you’re in a relationship, doesn’t mean you have to share everything and constantly be together. Healthy relationships require space."

Check out our blog about NTDVA last year for some incredible talking points with your son, daughter, or both! 

In honor of NTDVA this month's Student Workshop will feature a discussion about what true friendship looks like, because as we know, friendship is often the basis of a healthy relationship and we want our students healthy in all aspects of their lives. 


Wear Orange Day is a national day of awareness where everyone is encouraged to wear orange in honor of Teen DV Month. In 2017, it will be held on Feb. 14. You can wear orange shirts, nail polish, ribbons, jewelry, shoes or anything else you can think of! Tell people why you are wearing orange and post pictures and updates on Instagram and Twitter using the hashtags #Orange4Love and #RespectWeek2017.

Click here if you would like to download the Respect Week guide to learn more about how you, your family, and friends can get involved! 

Stay Healthy and Respectful, Chaps!
​-Kristi Waidhofer

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