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Put The Glass Down

2/29/2016

 
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A gentle reminder about the importance of taking time to slow down and breathe. 
--
A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."

Remember to put the glass down.

(Courtesy of Jimmy Harmon)

I use this anecdote ALL THE TIME with my students (well technically I ask them to hold my water bottle to really make my point!). It's wonderful to see the light bulb that goes off for them. "Putting the glass down" can be as simple as taking a timed break for breathing and decompressing, calling a friend, journaling, going for a walk or jog, listening to music, baking a new recipe. Any activity that brings a smile or a big sigh of relief is the equivalent of "putting the glass down". 

If you needed more convincing check out this Ted talk where Psychologist Guy Winch discusses "Why We All Need to Practice Emotional First Aid". 

If you find yourself having a hard time committing to this tactic, I really do encourage you to hold a glass of water out in front of you for at least 1-5 minutes (which in itself is a break from the constant worrying and ruminating) but then see if the light bulb doesn't also go off for you and you finally allow yourself to literally, and figuratively, put the glass down. 

Once you've put the glass down, you might also revisit some of our posts (here and here) about mindfulness! 

Thanks,
Kristi Waidhofer

The Importance of Play!

2/22/2016

 
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Healthy Chaps is excited to feature a guest blogger this week, Jack Britton, LPC.

Exploring Hobbies and Interests

In his book Play, writer and researcher Stuart Brown discusses the importance of the ways we have and create fun.  He describes eight play personalities, and readers are invited to consider which types we are.
 
I quickly latched onto the explorer personality.  When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time by a creek behind our house.  I loved building boats out of Popsicle sticks; digging holes looking for worms; fishing; and seeing where the creek led.  But it’s been years since I did that kind of exploring.
 
If you’re less inclined to wander the woods, Brown’s seven other play personalities are worth looking into.  Regardless of your play style, today’s blog requires a little bit of exploring.
 
Let’s do a quick activity: get out a sheet of paper and a pen, please.  Down the left side, write down twenty (20) activities, hobbies, and interests you think you could try, have tried, or really enjoy.  When you get stuck, ask someone for ideas – but the rule is: you can’t say no.  Make it healthy and appropriate given your age and abilities… and for a few of them, reach for the stars.
 
Next, across the top of the paper make the following headings: less than $20; less than one hour; better outside; better with others; and equipment/supplies needed.  Then, categorize each hobby, interest, or activity with check marks under each column.
 
Review the results and look for themes.  Have you found you really like being outside?  Do you enjoy time solo?  Love stuff that’s inexpensive?  Do your interests take up much time?
 
Bonus consideration: rank each line by difficulty – the difficulty you perceive.  If you find that you’re quite concerned about a certain idea, talk to someone about that.  Perhaps they’ll join you for it.
 
We all benefit from assessing and re-assessing the ways we play.  Activities, interests, and hobbies bring surprise and joy.  They build identity.  Play teaches us that we’re not too young or old to try new things.
 
Whether you like to joke, compete, be active, explore, collect, direct, create, or tell stories, play builds bonds.  Families can join together to relieve stress, make memories, and just have fun.
 
So grab your lists and get going!
-Jack Britton

In addition to the wonderful points Jack made, I wanted to share this article which outlines all the different benefits of play for adults, children, and talks about how to actually make the two happen!

Check out this quick except: "Play is essential for developing social, emotional, cognitive, and physical skills in children. In fact, far from being a waste of time or just a fun distraction, play is a time when your child is often learning the most...play develops social skills, stimulates a child’s imagination and makes kids better adjusted, smarter, and less stressed."

"While play is crucial for a child’s development, it is also beneficial for people of all ages. Play can add joy to life, relieve stress, supercharge learning, and connect you to others and the world around you. Play can also make work more productive and pleasurable."

It's a great read, be sure to check it out! 

Thanks, 
Kristi Waidhofer
  

Jack Britton is a therapist with Innovation 360 in Austin, a company that offers counseling and something they call Life Development, where staff meet a client in her/his natural environment.  Through Life Development, a person takes insight from therapy and applies it to experiences in real time… Treatment in the Midst of Life.  More information at i360Life.com

Mental Health VS. Physical Health

2/15/2016

 
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This past Wednesday, NAMI Austin visited the high school and presented Ending the Silence. This presentation focused on the signs and symptoms of mental illness, how to appropriately receive mental health support, and how to end the stigma around mental illness. We hope that your children found it to be a worthwhile presentation! Click here and here to see the hand outs your children received at the presentation! 

KVUE News also felt that this presentation was worthwhile of coverage and you can see their story about it here. 

We wanted to continue the conversation about reducing the stigma of mental illness and helping everyone to understand that mental illness is real and just as debilitating as physical illness problems. Please check out the link below for a gentle and clever reminder to be mindful of how to approach physical illness versus mental illness and the most helpful things to say to support those struggling!


How People Treat Mental Illness Vs. How People Treat Physical Illness - Just because you can't see the pain doesn't mean it doesn't exist. 

Another excellent read is Ten Common Misconceptions about Mental Health! Make sure you aren't operating from a false assumption which could also be causing YOU as the parent more stress than necessary! 

Together we can end the silence around mental health! Be well, Chaps!

​Thanks,
-Kristi Waidhofer 

5 Ways to Raise a Resilient Child

2/7/2016

 
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Healthy Chaps is excited to feature a guest blogger this week,
Vanessa Flores, LCSW. 

Setbacks are a an inevitable part of growing up, but there are ways to ensure your child will have the strength they need to bounce back. When I ask students I work with about what they need from the adults in their lives in order to feel supported in times of struggle, they said: 
  • Someone who cares about me
  • Someone who listens to me

Take a moment and ask yourself, “Would my children say ‘yes’ to those two statements?” Trust is built in the smallest of moments. With children, it is all about small, consistent interactions that add up over time. 

Here is a list of 5 things you might be able to do, starting today, to help your children feel cared for and heard. 

1. Cultivate hope. 
In Brené Brown's book, The Gifts of Imperfection, she says that hope happens when
  • We have the ability to set realistic goals (I know where I want to go)
  • We are able to figure out how to achieve those goals, including the ability to stay flexible and develop alternative routes (I know how to get there, I'm persistent, and I can tolerate disappointment and try again). 
  • We believe in ourselves (I can do this!). 

A former researcher at the University of Kansas, Lawrence, C.R. Snyder states goes on to say that children need relationships that are characterized by boundaries, consistency and support. The culture we live in today makes our children believe that things should be fun, fast and easy which is inconsistent with hopeful thinking. Brené says that we can help our children develop a hopeful mind-set when we help them understand that some worthy endeavors will be difficult and time consuming and not enjoyable at all. 

When we allow our children to fail and make mistakes without judgement, we build trust and make room for forgiveness of ourselves and each other. 

2. Make room for the "yucky stuff."
Sitting in pain with our child can sometimes be harder than feeling it. More often than not, our gut reaction is to want to fix it. We tell them to suck it up, don't cry and move on. "You'll get through it. We've all been there. It's a part of being a teenager." We'd rather push the feelings aside than sit in those dark moments with them. 

When we make room for the yucky stuff, connection happens. We teach our children that vulnerability is hard but it's okay. We teach them that we can talk about our feelings in a way that doesn't make us feel as though we're "weak". It is in those moments that they begin to hold the belief that they can do something that will help them to manage their feelings and cope. These are the moments that teach them about common humanity which is that you are in it together and even when the road gets bumpy and it seems like there's more dark than light, you are willing to ride the wave with them. 

3. Be their P.I.C. 

How many of you have a P.I.C.? Or shall I say, a Partner In Crime? Someone you can tell all your secrets to without a disclaimer. What about that person who will hold your stories sacred and never tell another soul? Now I know that there is a fine line between being your children's best friend and their parent. But, I do think it's possible to have the best of both worlds. 
Being your child's partner in crime means to stay connected. Here are some simple ways you can do that: 
  • Stop saying "I'm busy." 
  • Put down the technology! 
  • Make eye contact. 
  • Listen. 
  • Smile. 
  • Make time to do nothing. 
  • Take time to play with them. 
  • Give hugs. 

If you've ever asked yourself, "Why don't they just tell me what they're feeling?" Try getting connected first! 

4. Practice self-compassion 
Self-Compassion is the practice of talking to ourselves the way we would talk to someone we love. According to Dr. Kristin Neff, researcher and professor at the University of Texas at Austin, self-compassion has three elements: 
  1. Self-kindness: Being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism. 
  2. Common humanity: Common humanity recognizes that suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience - something we all go through rather than something that happens to "me" alone. 
  3. Mindfulness: Taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. Mindfulness requires that we not "over-identify" with thoughts and feelings, so that we are caught up and swept away by negativity. 

Bottom line is that if we can practice loving ourselves, our children will follow. When we can learn to praise them in the good and bad moments, they will learn to be more kind to themselves the next time they make a mistake. So the next time your child comes to you and says, "I made a mistake, I accidentally said something about my teacher that wasn't very nice and she found out." Do you say, "What? Are you kidding me? That's unacceptable!" or do you say, "I've done something similar before--mistakes happen. You can apologize and make amends."   

5. Say "YES" more often
In the Year of Yes, written by Shonda Rhimes, she shares a story about the moment she started saying yes to everything including her children. She describes a moment where she was getting ready to walk out the door in an elegant designer gown to some fancy event she had said yes to when her daughter runs up and says, "MAMA!! Wanna play?" Shonda says in her book that she felt like time froze. She knew she was late already but she immediately thought to herself, "If I'm not careful, she's going to see the back of my head heading out the door more than she'll see my face." In that moment she kicked off those painful heels, dropped her knees to the hardwood floor and said YES to play. 

If we don't make the time, they'll be gone before we know it. Just do it.

Say YES. I dare you! 

For more information on how to support your teen or to learn more about the services I offer, please visit my website at www.thevanessamarie.com or call me at 512-387-4221. 

Wholeheartedly, 
Vanessa

February is National Teen Dating Violence AWareness Month!

2/1/2016

 
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February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness (NTDVA) Month and Westlake is doing their part to make sure our students have a good understanding of what a healthy relationship looks like! This year's focus is on the ability to set boundaries - which expands beyond just romantic boundaries. Boundaries are important in friendships, sibling relationships, parent/child relationships, work relationships, etc. Boundaries make me think of this wonderful quote. 
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 ​Over the course of the month Westlake will be providing students with statistics about teen dating violence because sadly, it is more common than one might expect. For example, did you know 1 in 10 high school students nationwide have been hit, slapped, physically hurt on purpose by a significant other in the past year? 

Therefore, this is a perfect time for you to talk with your sons and daughters about what a healthy relationship looks like to them! Do they know what their boundaries are? Boundaries are defined as "lines that mark a limit". It is often the case that many children are not aware of their own limits and boundaries therefore they do not know when they are being crossed until it is too late. Hence the reason these conversations are so important! It is also an important discussion to have that just because a line has been crossed in the past does not mean a NEW limit cannot be defined that mark's the previous situation as off limits now.

So talk with your children about their limits and definitions of healthy relationships because sometimes even the most basic of things, like the ability to hang out with friends without the significant other present, is something that should be discussed! I personally like to remember that a healthy relationship should look like a venn diagram. 
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​Look over some of these quick easy reads to learn more about ones "rights" in a relationship and also the warning signs of controlling and/or abusive relationships (and remember, these are not exclusive to romantic relationships)! 
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For more information about NTDVA Month visit Love is Respect and the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. 

Thanks, 
Kristi Waidhofer

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