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Talk Less. Listen More. Here’s How.

1/23/2020

 
As a clinician, you are taught to listen from the beginning.  Makes sense, right?  We go into a field where our job is to listen.  Seems like a basic skill.  But listening is actually a hard to skill to achieve because most of us aren't really actively listening. 

Think about the last time you did nothing else but fully engaged 100% to the person talking to you.  I mean really engaged.  You weren't checking your phone or the time, you weren't thinking about what you were going to say next, etc.  Most of us aren't doing that.  

This article really resonated with me as a clinician and as a parent. It is worth reading, I promise!  Listening is something that is almost always talked about in supervision with my masters clinical interns. They are always worried that they aren't listening enough because they are focused on what to say next.  I share this quick video with them as a reminder to what active listening is.  I love that these discussions keep me honest and practicing my own active listening.  I am one of those that insist that I can multitask.  While I may be hearing you, you will not feel heard when I am not actively listening.  I want the students I work with to feel heard.  And just as important, I want those close in my life to feel heard.  This is something I plan to put more effort in with my family in 2020.  The feeling of being heard is powerful.  

I recently had Juliana Kunz, LPC come talk at the CCE Booster Club meeting.  Here were her reflective listening tips - 

Do:
1. Make time to listen that is predictable and free of distractions
2. Use attentive body language.
3. Focus on understanding your child’s world from his or her own perspective.
4. Match your tone and expressions with the emotions of what you’re listening to.
5. Reflect the emotions you hear and see.
          Examples:
          “It’s so frustrating!”
          “You’re sad about it.”
          “You feel excited and nervous.”
          “You really love that class!”
6. Summarize back what you hear in your own words.
          Examples:
          “You got to play soccer in gym class and your team won.”
          “She wouldn’t talk to you all day!”
7. If you can’t think of words, make sympathetic noises or nod understandingly.
Don’t:
1. Try to correct, impart information, problem solve, or teach a lesson. (If there’s a need, you can do this later, after your child feels fully heard and understood. It will sink in much better. And, oftentimes, kids will learn the right lesson or solve their problem on their own when they feel really heard.)
2. Criticize, punish, or blame.
3. Interrogate or ask leading questions.
4. Interject your own opinions or stories.

Stay Healthy, Chaps!
Katie & Kristi



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Healthy 2020!

1/17/2020

 
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We hope that things have been off to a good start, Chaps! We also know that since the last two weeks have been SO busy, it's also reasonable that any well-intentioned plans/resolutions/ideas may have fallen by the wayside already and THAT IS OK! 

We wanted to follow-up with some alternative refocused ideas/plans/goals for the year. Ideas from 17 different mental health therapists to really help find a balanced perspective moving forward! You may even find that some of these ideas connect in more, especially considering you aren't trying to do them just because it's the "start of the new year and I need a resolution!" 
​

1. Find moments of peace daily — and consider a ‘resolution’ buddy“My resolution is to look for ways to be less busy overall, but also less busy within each day,” says Mary Rourke, a psychologist and the Director of Widener University’s Institute for Graduate Clinical Psychology. “I am aiming to slow down, be more intentional in every moment, and try to find moments of peace in each day. These are things I recommend often to clients, and things I strive to do myself (when I stop to think about it). My resolution is to build in ways each day to stop and think about it, and hopefully do it more consistently. Not sure yet how I will stick to this resolution — I am considering enlisting the help of a ‘resolution buddy’ — someone who shares my goal and with whom I can have regular brief check-ins to discuss how we are both doing.”
2. Pursue joy over happiness“I have two resolutions for the new year,” says Monte Drenner, a licensed mental health counselor. “First, pursue being joyful over being happy. This goal is important because joy is a constant delight whereas happy is brief and circumstantial. The second goal is to be more content which is continual satisfaction rather than getting my emotional state from my surroundings. [My resolutions] are related, which will help me be successful. My desire is for my emotional state to be dictated by more meaningful things in life rather than the momentary annoyances. Growth in one area will help dictate growth in the other. I plan on sticking to them by meditating on them daily as well as directing my reading and listening materials towards these topics.”

Read on here!

Stay Healthy, Chaps!
-Kristi and Katie


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