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Gauging When to Help Your Child

1/25/2018

 
We are excited to feature guest blogger, Vanessa Nering, from Innovation 360. 

How much help is too much help to provide your young adult child?  Or to ask an alternate question, when is helping not actually helping at all?  The well-intentioned parents who seek to, in the short-term, rescue their children from failure, disappointment, or even the loss of status amongst peers, can have impactful repercussions for the long-term.  The instances of failure children and adolescents experience can serve to provide the foundation for their motivation, confidence, and sense of resiliency as they grow. Stepping in to save children from experiencing failures also keeps them from a) recognizing they have the ability to fail, b) the empowering practice of picking themselves back up after failure, and c) the invaluable understanding that life does not end because of or following failure.  They are also curtailed in the firsthand experience of regulating their emotions and cultivating resiliency when facing failure. Some guiding principles in determining if help would indeed be helpful is to ask the child to identify what would be helpful to them, or to articulate the specific nature of what they are struggling with.  This helps them strategize and problem-solve.  A second component could include silently posing the question to yourself: “Can I NOT help my child right now?” or “What is the minimal amount of help I might provide them?”, which can be a difficult skill to master.

Allow me to translate these concepts into a handy analogy.  Perhaps you can recall the time when you were first learning to swim.  In my personal experience my father, perhaps not unlike many fathers of his generation, wanted his daughters to be able to compete on a swim team and so he literally tossed me into the pool when I was months old.  He claims he never considered placing floaties on me, because he recognized that floatation devices prevent a person from experiencing his or her own buoyancy and inhibit a swimmer’s ability to master their stroke. He had to keep his own anxieties about my safety at bay in order to allow me to learn to swim, or indeed, to risk failing at swimming.  He never concerned himself with the notion that I might swallow chlorinated water, he was secure in the knowledge from his own experience that all swimmers swallow a fair amount of water while getting their bearings in the pool.  It ultimately takes a beginning swimmer a handful of times of failing before they are able to keep their heads above water. What my dad was consistently willing to do was join me at the pool to provide support and encouragement and to be on standby if I was struggling.  In those moments when I struggled and sometimes panicked, his direction became, “Get to the wall”, which was a far cry from jumping in after me or siccing a lifeguard on me to pull me to dry land.  He wasn’t looking to shut down the progress I was making toward self-sufficiency, the ultimate goal was for me to be a regular swimmer and to consistently improve my skills and my comfort in the water.   His willingness to accompany me throughout my journey allowed me to recognize that I had support when I needed it.  He knew that the difference between allowing me to struggle, i.e. saving me from a few gulps of water, and stepping in for me meant that I would have to learn to resource myself.  His sense of ease that I would be just fine informed my own sense of confidence that I could rise to the expectation he had set before me.  And you know, to this day I still swim, and sometimes I still even swallow some pool water, but I always know I am capable of getting myself to the wall.

Vanessa Nering, MA, LPC Intern, is supervised by Elizabeth Devine, MEd, LPC-S and is a client advocate for Innovation360 Austin.  In addition to providing support for individuals and families working through issues pertaining to mental health disorders and substance abuse, Vanessa provides individual counseling sessions for teenagers and their loved ones and is currently taking new clients.

Stay Healthy, Chaps! 
-Kristi, Katie, and Elizabeth 

How To Prioritize...

1/18/2018

 
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We have another guest blog this week from Marie Miguel. 

Among all the dumb platitudes thrown at teens, the idea of prioritization can be one of the most pernicious. Of course, some things are more important than others. This is as plain as the nose on your face. But what assumptions lie below the surface of this principle?

Some things are important to other people, but less so to the person expected to take care of them. Other tasks are very important at certain times, but not really at others. Still others are necessary, but only once certain conditions are in place: wishing someone a happy birthday a week in advance is almost worse than forgetting.

Clearly, importance isn't some kind of universal value. Younger people already understand the concept of “first things first”; their real challenge is usually determining what exactly should go on the list. Expounding on the virtues of prioritization really isn't helpful in this case (avoiding procrastination, of course, is another topic entirely).
​
Prioritization Quadrants

When you stop to think about it, it's clear that the importance of a task depends on its what as well as its when, as well as what else needs to be done simultaneously. When feeling overloaded, it's usually necessary (or at least advisable) to either drop or delay less critical work and apply your effort where it will do the most good. The following diagram is often useful in this regard:






An urgent task is one that simply has to be done, and done quickly, such as when a project with pass/fail significance is due tomorrow. It will probably take priority over anything but another urgent task.

An important item isn't going to cause Armageddon if it isn't completed soon, but still needs to be done eventually. If you want to learn something new, this might take the form of reading a thick book: you should really get it done, but whether this happens next week or next month makes little practical difference. You can work on it whenever you're not busy with anything urgent.

An opportunity that's only available for a short time but doesn't really matter one way or another is optional. One example is a sale on something you don't really need: you can take it or leave it. Everything else is trivial, meaning that you'll be doing it for fun if at all, and it plays no real role when assigning priorities.


Defining Acceptable Outcomes
Deciding what is really important to you as a person – not what your teachers would like you to do, not what you see on television – is an essential part of growing into adulthood. Too often, teens are expected to assume this level of responsibility and independence while various people in their lives are each insisting that they somehow know what should be prioritized, without ever taking the time to think about how this decision should depend on the individual.

Planning for the future is not easy when you have limited life experience to draw on, and finding a little objective help will rarely be a waste of time. Trying to do everything you have to do, as well as everything you want to do, perfectly every time will soon leave you a nervous wreck and make you feel like a failure even when you're actually performing above par. Learning to accept “good enough” when this is all that's really required is a valuable life skill that will allow you to put in maximum effort on the tasks that really matter.


Emphasizing Rest
If you try to do all the things you're supposed to, as well as you possibly can, you'll end up running around like a headless chicken and actually achieve less. Your body and mind need maintenance and restoration, so however busy you are, sleep, exercise and play should always find a slot on your schedule. Trying to operate at 100% all the time for an extended period is not only futile but harmful. At times, working your hardest really means closing the textbook, shutting down the computer and spending the whole day on the beach.

-Marie Miguel 
Marie is an avid internet researcher. She is fueled by her determination to answer the many questions she hasn't been able to find the answer to anywhere else. When she finds these answers she likes to spread the knowledge to others seeking help. She is always looking for outlets to share her information, therefore she occasionally has her content published on different websites and blogs. Even though she doesn't run one for herself she loves contributing to others.

Managing Digital Distractions

1/11/2018

 
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We are excited to feature our EdTech, Lisa Johnson, again! 

Managing time and distractions is woven into the very fabric of organization and study skills. In fact, after gleaning countless articles and research, study skills really breaks down into effective note-taking strategies, study skills and test preparation, and concentration and time management. Jason Van Meter, our campus Academic Interventionist, wrote a post on
Study Skills earlier this semester and Natalie Cannon, Latin teacher and World Languages Department Chair crafted one on Vocabulary Study Tips in November…. so before we tackle that topic any further or deeper, we thought it might be helpful to discuss managing time and distractions.


During the PSAT tests, Freshman students went through 4 rotations that were designed to support them with their experience here at WHS. You can read more about this day on Steve Ramsey’s blog.

The Ed Techs did a session on “Managing Your Digital Lives”. Part of the session focused on acknowledging and managing digital distractions. We thought the best way to go about this would be to share some insight and tips from from current students with our students and then support that info with ancillary resources and materials.

Acknowledging Distraction
Below is the survey results for, “What apps or online sites are most distracting to you?” (It should be noted that students could choose multiple answers so clearly the responses do not add to 100%. However...the circles are proportionate.)
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Managing Distraction
Clearly, the end goal was to acknowledge that everyone gets distracted and to gather tips for alleviating or combatting distraction. Beyond putting devices in do not disturb mode and placing the device physically in another room, students shared some other tips that essentially fell into two categories:

  • Proximity and Communication:
    • Asking boyfriend/girlfriend/family member to not text or interrupt for an hour or so
    • Putting phone upside down, in backpack vs. pocket, or charging it in a different room
    • Giving phone to someone else until done with school work or studying
 
  • Breaks and Goals:
    • Using an app like Stay Focused (Chrome app) to block Youtube and FB
    • Taking 10 minute video breaks
    • Taking timed breaks for games (Building in 10 minute video game breaks where you play a round versus an untimed mission)
    • Checking phone in between homework
    • Using social media as a reward for finishing it

Beyond these, we also suggested 3-4 apps that might be helpful:

  • Moment: screen time tracker app
  • Flat Tomato: time management app that uses the Pomodoro method
  • 30/30: visual task manager app
  • Forest: $ (the only paid one) - essentially you select a span of time (e.g. 20 minutes, 45 minutes, 2 hours) that you want to stay focused. While you are focused, the app grows a tree. If you leave the app, then the tree dies. Multiple analytics are included and you can eventually build a productivity forest with all of your favorite trees.

We will continue to post the content in chunks from these sessions. We also wanted to let you know that we have started a Tech Talk video series if you would like to see the full content for this session or check out any of the previous topics:

  • Digital Distractions and Social Media (embedded below)
  • Notetaking and the Digital Organization
  • Common Sense about Digital Citizenship

Stay Healthy, Chaps! 
Lisa Johnson and Kristi and Katie 

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